Lady Macbeth - A Tortured Soul - Diary Entry

    I thought this was what was best for him, for us, but I feel as though the weight of hell has set upon my shoulders. I fear what will become of me if  Macbeth continues in such a manner. He has become a raging flame that has burned out of control, and I fear I cannot put an end to the spark I have lit. I wake up cold and sweating everynight due to my reoccurring nightmares of blood and screams and terror. What have I done? Soon enough we will be exposed of our sins, what will we do then?

    I am not well, and everyone knows this. They have just recently started to notice, but I have been feeling this anxiety ever since Duncan's murder. I remember the excitement and determination I had felt that day, I was more than willing to do anything to become queen. I coaxed Macbeth into killing Duncan, even when his full intention was to seize his plans. I denigrated him, challenged his manhood; "When you durst do it, then you were a man, and, to be more than what you were, you would be so much more the man." is what I said. No man wants his masculinity belittled, so he agreed to seek the plan through. I was such a fool! Had I known the consequences of my actions, I would have never driven Macbeth to the crime. 

    When Macbeth arrived back in our chambers bloody handed, I could not bear the sight. Immediately I regretted my actions, but it was far too late to bring poor Duncan back to life. We rinsed out our bloody hands, but nothing could get rid of that foul smell. I remember thinking, " all the perfumes of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand", and I truly realized that although this was fresh blood on my hands, it was from a deceased and finished king.  That night I started having the nightmares, and they heven't stopped since. At the time, I had thought that the killing of Duncan had to be done. Now I know how wrong I truly was. 

    Then was the threat of the second prophecy; that Banquo's sons will become kings. What was one man's death if the reward was the insurance of decades of power at the throne? Macbeth had the murderers arranged and sent them off behind Banquo and his son as he left the castle. When the murderer reported back to Macbth, he was more than delighted to hear the death of his closest friend. The look of greed in his lit up eyes frightened me and sent chills down my spine, there seemed to be no mercy left in his heart. Later, during the banquet, he started to behave strangely. When he claimed to see the ghost of Banquo, I had a sick feeling he had lost his senses. The guests were starting to notice the disturbance, they would surely sense our guilt. I was forced to lie on behalf of my husband, tell them that these were reoccurring fits that he had since childhood. When they started to question Macbeth's behaviour, I asked them to "speak not. He grows worse and worse. Question enrages him. At once goodnight." and dismissed them from our home. That night, I saw Banquo in my dream. He lay still beside me while i tried to wash the blood off his face. I was crying uncontrollably. I awoke with tears streaming down my face and a haunting yearning for an old friend. 

    Macbeth seized speaking to me in the manner that a husband should to his wife after the death of Banquo. I was no longer a priority for him. He was never home for long, and spent all of his time preparing and plotting. I had lost the love of my life to a soulless murderer. Still I kept his secrets, weighing me down with guilt and distress. They caused me to have fits as well. I started to walk in my sleep. I fear I have exposed my treason while sleepwalking. I do not remember what I might have said while asleep but I need to end this before I unintentionally unveil Macbeth's crimes. The only way for me to do this is to rid myself as evidence.  

    Now that Macbeth has murdered the innocent family of Macduff, I will not be able to contain these horrid secrets any longer. I am constantly being punished for creating a murderer by the ghosts of his victims. Is death not a better option than this suffering? I cannot bear the sight of my husband with nothing more in his heart but killing and greed. This will be my last diary entry, for I will rid myself of this torture.